Mama's Royal Cafe

I hadn't been to Mama's but a lot of people raved about it, told me the service was great and the food even greater. And now I have unfriended all of those people for telling me lies.

We went on a Sunday and there was a 20 minute wait, no biggie, you can sit outside and soak up the sun, (with a light sweater of course, it is Oakland after all) and maybe chat up another patron or two. The best restaurants have long waits, so this was an encouraging sign. Once inside, the place had a really great vibe, of the hipster variety. Say what you will about those guys... art university graduates know how to perfect an ambiance. A large percentage of Mama's patrons are also of the hipster persuasion, although there was a lot of pretty much everyone else too, minus business suits and such. Not a CEO to be found.

You are allowed to carve anything you like into the walls in the diner, and this may be the best thing about this place... My personal favorite was beautifully carved by a literary genius, and read "two in the pink." It was like the bathroom stall at your favorite bar, except instead of being dimly lit on a poorly-recalled friday night, you are stone-cold sober on a sunday morning and possibly even brunching with your grandmother. I loved it! Actually there was a whole lot of "A.D. loves T.M. 4eva..." boring! I was quite grief-stricken that I didn't bring a pocket knife. We could have gotten "real weird with it."

Each table had on display what looks like a mini juke box, and I was delighted by this until I realized the damn thing was just for show and you had to listen to the same music as everyone else via the overhead speakers.

I was looking forward to the food with bated breath... and then it arrived. Just the picture below makes my stomach turn. I didn't ask the staff so I don't know for sure, but it's probably safe to say that the hollindaise sauce is not made from scratch. Rather it's made from a powdered mix to which you probably add butter and water, I don't know, I have never made the stuff, I just know that such things exist and can be purchased at Safeway. Yuck. It made the whole thing reminiscent of plastic, like the powder absorbed plastic flavor from whatever bag it was surely sitting in for weeks, and now that flavor was all I could taste. Doesn't the hollindaise sauce look neon yellow? I had to ingest this, and now it's coursing through my vasculature. Fucking hipsters. They're good at a lot of things, I'm sure. Cooking is clearly not one of them.

That being said, the rest of the food here actually looked pretty good. The potatoes that came as a side dish were awesome. I was actually wishing that I had just ordered bacon and eggs instead of the vile concoction that sat before me. I plan on giving Mama's another go soon and sticking with the classics. I just cant write this place off quite yet... bathroom-stall dining is just way too enjoyable.
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