Mama's Royal Cafe

I hadn't been to Mama's but a lot of people raved about it, told me the service was great and the food even greater. And now I have unfriended all of those people for telling me lies.

We went on a Sunday and there was a 20 minute wait, no biggie, you can sit outside and soak up the sun, (with a light sweater of course, it is Oakland after all) and maybe chat up another patron or two. The best restaurants have long waits, so this was an encouraging sign. Once inside, the place had a really great vibe, of the hipster variety. Say what you will about those guys... art university graduates know how to perfect an ambiance. A large percentage of Mama's patrons are also of the hipster persuasion, although there was a lot of pretty much everyone else too, minus business suits and such. Not a CEO to be found.

You are allowed to carve anything you like into the walls in the diner, and this may be the best thing about this place... My personal favorite was beautifully carved by a literary genius, and read "two in the pink." It was like the bathroom stall at your favorite bar, except instead of being dimly lit on a poorly-recalled friday night, you are stone-cold sober on a sunday morning and possibly even brunching with your grandmother. I loved it! Actually there was a whole lot of "A.D. loves T.M. 4eva..." boring! I was quite grief-stricken that I didn't bring a pocket knife. We could have gotten "real weird with it."

Each table had on display what looks like a mini juke box, and I was delighted by this until I realized the damn thing was just for show and you had to listen to the same music as everyone else via the overhead speakers.

I was looking forward to the food with bated breath... and then it arrived. Just the picture below makes my stomach turn. I didn't ask the staff so I don't know for sure, but it's probably safe to say that the hollindaise sauce is not made from scratch. Rather it's made from a powdered mix to which you probably add butter and water, I don't know, I have never made the stuff, I just know that such things exist and can be purchased at Safeway. Yuck. It made the whole thing reminiscent of plastic, like the powder absorbed plastic flavor from whatever bag it was surely sitting in for weeks, and now that flavor was all I could taste. Doesn't the hollindaise sauce look neon yellow? I had to ingest this, and now it's coursing through my vasculature. Fucking hipsters. They're good at a lot of things, I'm sure. Cooking is clearly not one of them.

That being said, the rest of the food here actually looked pretty good. The potatoes that came as a side dish were awesome. I was actually wishing that I had just ordered bacon and eggs instead of the vile concoction that sat before me. I plan on giving Mama's another go soon and sticking with the classics. I just cant write this place off quite yet... bathroom-stall dining is just way too enjoyable.
Location and Website

The Oakland Grill

When I first thought about embarking on an eggs-benedict-eating-extravaganza, the Oakland Grill instantly came to mind. I have to come here at least once a year to get my fix. So after getting called-off at work and being all depressed about my impending paycheck, I decided to go spend some money on breakfast instead of eating cheerios at home for free. Totally logical.

The Oakland Grill is located near Jack London, however it is much less travelled than the well known Barnes and Noble area. It is located here, right in the middle of the produce district. (And this is the website.) When ever I come here I always feel like I am lost until I am right in front of the restaurant, it is such a random location, but I like it. It makes me feel like I've got the skinny on a little-known-secret, a gem of a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. In reality everyone and their mother knows about this place, it is packed on the weekends with the occasional line out the door. I can't say the inside of the restaurant is anything out of the ordinary. It's got an open-air kitchen so you can watch the cooks hard at work while you sit back and sip your coffee. There is also a little upstairs area thats not bad, and you can people-watch the other patrons from above. I am pretty sure the place is independently owned, but I didn't ask so I don't really know. Looks like a mom-and-pop spot though.

 Oh, and the eggs benedict? Frickin bomb. Just look at it. This is how I imagine eggs benedict would be made out in the country... it is rugged and simple and delicious. It is so plain it almost seems like it might be boring, but then you taste it. A regular old toasted english muffin, a thick piece of ham, a well-poached egg, and hollandaise sauce so thick and flavorful that it is difficult to resist the urge to lick the plate. I decided to fool myself into thinking I was being halfway-healthy by getting fruit instead of potatoes on the side, and it worked. Just like the eggs, the fruit was simple and real. It wasn't the prepackaged fruit salad with way too many melons that most breakfast joints serve. This was cut from whole fruit that morning, and included slices of watermelon, pineapple, and strawberries. Yum! (Of course, I wouldn't expect anything less from a restaurant in the middle of the produce district.) I don't know what their potatoes are like but there's no reason to order them. There was no garnish, or anything else for that matter, on the plate, but there didn't need to be. This is eggs bene at it's finest, without pretense or extravagance. I know I have only reviewed two places so far but, so far, this is the best. Oh yeah, and on Saturdays and Sundays they have $2.99 mimosas! What?!

Barclay's

 We stumbled upon Barclay's after our original choice, the Rockridge Diner, told us that they had run out of hollandaise sauce... (omg wtf!) Barclay's is pretty much a sports bar slash restaurant with indoor and outdoor seating that opens at 10am on the weekend and serves brunch... Sounds awesome right? It is! Barclay's clientele includes everyone from families with kids and crayons to soccer peeps shouting at the tv screens. However, it was father's day when we went, so the norm may include fewer families. Chances are, you won't feel out of place. Might I go so far as to say you will probably feel downright comfortable. It is located here, which looks like Berkeley but is still technically Oakland. Oh and here is their website.

This was to be my first blog entry and honestly I was a little too excited (ok I was way too excited... it's a blog about eggs benedict after all. What dork thought that up?) and I focused more on taking pictures than on the actual quality of the benedict.

 I ordered their benedict sampler platter, which included one regular bene, one creole bene, and one california bene. I was really only in love with the regular. I think someone in the kitchen spilled a bottle of creole seasoning in the creole hollandaise sauce when it only called for a tablespoon or two, and was just crossing their fingers that no one noticed. The california benedict would have been frickin delicious if it had some ham on it. They replaced the ham with the avocado instead of just adding avocado... Who's idea was that? The regular bene was good. But it wasn't spectacular. It was just good.

All in all, it was a commendable eggs benedict. The whites were cooked, the yolks runny, someone here knows how to poach a good egg. The hollandaise sauce was a little thin but still flavorful. Me likey. I wouldn't go out of my way to come here just for the eggs benedict. However if I want to watch a game whilst eating said eggs benedict, (or if I was with someone that wanted to watch a game, cuz I really don't care) this is the spot. I'm pretty sure they only serve brunch on the weekends.

What's The Deal Here?

Let's get one thing straight: I am no food critic. I don't think I could be. I love duck confit and caramelized pears just as much as I love jalapeño poppers from Jack in the Crack. It is this undiscerning taste in food that makes for a poor food critic... Who am I to judge that which brings me so much pleasure? So instead of critiquing, I am just looking for the best that Oakland has to offer.

I had to narrow my search to one specific type of food in an effort to avoid being a total glutton and gaining 40 pounds, and also to avoid going broke whilst gaining said pounds. After hours of seriously in-depth soul searching, I decided on eggs benedict... My favorite food that is so simple and yet so infrequently perfected. In my medically sound opinion, there is no better food to cleanse the mind, body and soul like egg yolks smothered in an egg yolk and butter sauce. Mmmm, my mouth is watering and my arteries are clogging just thinking about it!